Hi Steph, thanks for taking the time to comment. So sorry to hear about your grandparents – it really is so sad to watch, isn't it? You just feel so helpless. Sometimes my grandad does have clear memories, but can't remember the order they go in and gets confused. So he can remember his mum, for example, but remembers her as she was when he was a child, so then asks where she is. He can't get his head around the fact that he's almost 90! So when he realises he grieves for people all over again. But then an hour later he's forgotten. It's like receiving shocking news for the first time, every time. Hence it's often easier/kinder to change the subject than answer all the constant questions….
Other times it's actually quite funny like you say….once, I was helping him have a bed delivered at his old house, for a carer to stay over. We huffed and puffed getting it up the stairs, finally did it then went back down, sweating, for a cup of tea. The carer arrived 5 mins later and Grandad goes, "Oh no, sorry I've not got a spare bed for you." I was like, "Grandad, the bed just arrived. Look, you're still sweating from getting it up the stairs." He started laughing, wiped his brow, and said "Oh yeah!"
You have to try and make light of it whenever possible, otherwise you'd just cry. That a great thing your hubby's doing – good for him. All the best to you and yours, Sam xx